Living Doll. Latex Fetishist. Performance Artist.
Renee Rubber speaks on the pleasures of self-objectification, and sexual denial.
K: You present yourself as an agender, full-time rubber doll. How and when was Renee Rubber born?
RR: I think all dolls are genderless, especially when you see them as objects. I want to mimic that as a living one. I want people to be confused over my gender. I actually think it’s great when both genders get excited over Renee as it frees up sexuality without their prejudices or pre-conceptions etc. I am straight, but I like to challenge those conceptions and be an object, neither male nor female.
It’s hard to pinpoint when I began, I think my first latex hood a few years ago definitely started something with the way it encased me and the way it felt. But I think really I just decided one day that I wanted to be a rubber doll and see how far I could go with it, ever since that day I’ve got more and more addicted to this as my life. Me becoming a rubber doll is about objectification and the sheer sexual desperation that comes with it. I’ve become addicted to the feeling of intense ‘horniness’ or desperation, as I like to put it.
K: How did you discover your passion for latex fetish? What was the gateway into that realm?
RR: It’s hard to pinpoint but I do remember buying my first pair of latex stockings many years ago, and how they looked and felt. I used to wear latex to compliment outfits but never really thought about it.
I would say there were two moments with my fetish to be denied that drove my latex fetish to what it is. The first was a moment when I was in latex leggings and a latex gown, and the other person was naked lying in bed on top of me. Then a time where I was inadvertently rejected over time, which made me, crave denial and crave the restriction of latex. For me latex goes hand in hand with my need to be denied and objectified as the tight, restraining nature of latex accentuates it, whilst looking sexy and slick.
K: What qualities of latex, and rubber make it most appareling to you? Why not leather, or saran wrap?
RR: Nothing gives objectification and the idea of a doll quite like latex, plus the way it clings to the body and hugs the human form. The sound, smell and touch of shined latex is also irresistible. For me personally nothing else matches it. All my catsuits and hoods are custom made by Am Statik Latex, and when it fits you that well it can be worn for days before changing into a different colour. It becomes a second skin, a part of you.
K: Do you have any specific rituals that help you get into the Rubber Doll headspace? What are they?
RR: Nowadays I hardly ever leave that headspace, my desperation, and the amount of time I spend as a full rubber doll means that I’m really always in it. Once all the zips are closed and I can feel the all over restriction of my second-skin there’s definitely no going back!
K: Has your anonymity been empowering? What part does it play into your transformation?
RR: It does allow me to talk freely about my life and fetish; I can talk here without any thoughts of watching what I say. But there’s actually not many people from my life before that don’t know I’m now Renee. I ended up messaging a lot of them to tell them what I’d become. What was really interesting is no matter how far from vanilla to fetish they were I had nearly all positive responses, some saw it as art, some as hot, and at least two blossomed into serious domme /rubber doll relationships. I really think that you shouldn’t be scared to be who you want to be, at least in my experience some amazing things come out of telling people you least expect.
K: Forever denied. Forever horny, is a quote from your bio. Are you practicing chastity? What is the longest you have gone without a sexual release?
RR: Truth is I used to count, but I can’t remember the last time I had sexual release. With chastity I’ve always felt the physical device isn’t good enough for me personally, it doesn’t really prevent anything. I’m mentally to the point I don’t want to orgasm or have sex, it’s just happened over years of me being a rubber doll. I’m now wired that pleasure is to be right on the edge, desperate and to stay there. I want to be like that forever, to feel the intensity grow and grow, and also see where it takes me sexually with fetishes and expanding my mind.
K: How has abstaining from physical sexual contact affected your sensitivities to pleasure?
RR: I’ve always been submissive, but it’s definitely made me more submissive and lustful. I now get very desperate over simple things, that add to the senses. Perhaps the scent of a leather heel, or not being able to feel someone’s skin when they touch you. Over time I’ve also wanted to experience bigger things, I’m sure two years ago I wouldn’t imagine I’d be living like I do now, and I’m sure that has a large part to play in it.
K: In what ways does self-objectification gratify you? Is there a sexual component to it?
RR: Yes definitely, being an object for someone is very sexual to me. The power and dominance they have over you and the rejection of being an object is what I love. Whether that’s a rubber doll in the corner of a room as art while they ignore you, or being a useful object with a purpose.
Being objectified takes away all preconceptions and attitudes about how you’re treated I think. Others can just treat you how they want, and fulfill their desires perhaps at your expense, because you’re de-humanized. With only lips and eyes visible. You really become a plastic doll.
K: Which do you prefer, solo play, or a power exchange dynamic? How does your Rubber Doll experience differ between the two?
RR: A power exchange dynamic definitely, but being a rubber doll does mean solo play too. I am imagining in the end when I reach my goal, when I’m not used I’ll be put into a vacbed which means I’ll be restrained in latex along with only my thoughts for long periods at a time.
K: How do heels factor into your transformation? Are they merely an accessory, or are they an essential part of the experience?
RR: It’s funny, although I have a huge heel fetish on others. The way it arches their feet, the shapes and angles, and perhaps that all important toe cleavage! For me wearing heels isn’t sexual it’s style, an accessory to the look, to give poise, posture and to accent the latex. A barely there heel with layered latex always looks amazing.
K: How important is community and fellowship to you?
RR: As a personality that is becoming more of a rubber doll day by day, and wants to be objectified completely, it goes hand in hand to say I’m not someone who parties a lot and gets involved in lots of events. But what I do feel is that you need at least a few people to support the transition and exploration. I definitely have a small sub-set of friends who push and drive my journey as a rubber doll in different ways, and when you have that it seems anything can be possible.
K: You are based in the UK. Have you seen kink more widely accepted by mainstream culture recently, or is it sill considered a fringe interest?
RR: Being in London definitely allows for all walks of life to be more widely accepted. Especially with the fetish scene and nights available. I think the city is very open minded, and definitely creative. I know I can do things in London that I couldn’t get away with in any other area of the UK.
On the other side, if you compare it to somewhere like Berlin, where German Fetish Ball is held, London is very aggressive. I feel safer walking around Berlin as a rubber doll, because it’s more calm. In Berlin I’ve never had someone say or do something negative to me when full rubber doll. I’m not sure London would be the same.
It’s definitely a fringe interest. What really gets to me is our government’s take on privacy and their ignorance in dealing with it. We are notoriously the most surveilled country. They want to get rid of encryption, and you’re opted in to a ‘safe internet’ when you get internet (which even blocks Torture Garden’s site) and you have to opt out. If we continue to hammer sexual exploration, society will default to the lowest common denominator and that is sad for creativity, sexual adventure and those of us want to live their fantasies and dreams.
K: What are you yearning to explore? What next for your in your journey?
RR: I’m very interested in Vacbeds, alas not getting to try one yet. As a Rubber Doll in the way I am, I feel a vacbed should almost be my ‘doll box’ where I’m kept when not wanted, again tying into the elements of objectification, restraint, and powerlessness.
I goal really is to live my life as a 24/7 rubber doll. There are a few people who support me to that goal in different ways. Obviously to me this is mainly the goal as its exciting sexually but its interesting to me too, there must be others living like that we just don’t hear about them.
Follow Renee Rubber’s journey on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/reneerubber/